I haven't written anything here in weeks. The post I wanted to write is still unfinished. My sleep schedule has completely fallen apart. My motivation is gone. Most days, all I do is crochet and sleep. I can feel myself retreating and isolating again.   A few weeks ago, I felt like I was finally moving…

Survival has become so normal for me, I've forgotten how to actually live. A constant routine of managing my fears, the symptoms of both my chronic and mental illnesses, uncertainties, tomorrows,...    I became the admin of my life but ended up never really participating in it.    The strange thing abo…

Belonging is often described as a basic human need. What's not really talked about is how easy it is to confuse belonging with approval.   I didn't understand that for a long time. I tried to fit in, to adapt, to earn my place by explaining, adjusting and becoming easier to be a part of someone els…

Comfort helped me survive. Not the cozy kind. Not blankets, a hot cup of tea and some candles. The kind of comfort that shows up after a long time of surviving.  The kind that lets your shoulders drop, your jaw unclench, the tension leave your body. The kind that finally allows you to breathe. Sleeping, re…

I've been asking myself a question I genuinely don't know the answer to: Who am I when I stop adapting?   I think I became a very adaptable person long before I became an adult. And somewhere along the way, being loved started feeling more important to me than being known. By others but also by mys…

I used to think safety felt like being chosen. Now I think safety feels like being considered.   When I got into my last relationship, things happened really fast. A little too fast if I'm being fully honest, and a part of me knew. I mistook intensity for safety, promises for reality, emotional dependenc…

It's been a while since I wrote something. Life happened, love happened, loss happened. But let's go back a little...  My last post was quite sad and to be honest, I had given up. I was done with everything, done with hoping for something good, for love, for happiness. And just like the stupid saying…